The Back-Up Guy – More than a Friend but Less than a Boyfriend


Every woman has him or has known him. The back-up guy. More than likely it is the man that she didn’t marry or refused to be romantic with. Even so, he will linger in the mind of every woman for years to come – even to the rocking chair as she realized she may have selfishly and foolishly given up the one man who would have loved her like no other. Regrettably, the back-up guy rarely makes it into the relationship picture, however – he is always there waiting in the wings to swoop in for the rescue should you ever need it. The most modern example of the back up guy is Jacob from the Twilight Series. Even with Bella hopelessly in love with Edward she hangs on with every shred of feminity that she has to keep poor Jacob hooked. And hooked he is!

What is a Back-Up Guy?

The back-up guy is that guy in your life who is more than a friend but less than a boyfriend. You may have slept with him or not. Many girls know exactly what they are doing when they engage romantically (just enough) to keep this poor fellow thinking he has a chance. He watches you date and fall in love with every cold-hearted loser on the face of the earth and no matter what, is there when they disappoint. For some reason – maybe because it is just too easy with him or because his open adoration is a turn off the back up guy never has a chance to win you over romantically. However, you should take it from the millions of women who let the back up guy in their life get away – you might be happier if you just allow yourself to fall in love with the back up guy!

There aren’t a lot of men in this world who would agree to be the back up guy. They may come across as desperate and with no real life of their own. For the girl that is the object of their fancy – this sort of annoying characteristic comes in handy any time they need a date. Your family loves him. Your friends think he is great. And in many ways, you do to. He is there for you on any lonely Friday night and can sleep in your bed talking to you all night long about your feelings. You tease him along in a sort of way that is coy and mean spirited but incredibly driven by sexual energy with the simple intention of keeping him around. If he ever were to find someone else, you would be heartbroken and probably end up being the subject that would ‘accidentally’ sabotage the relationship. You may call him your best friend that just happens to be a guy. You may think you aren’t doing anything wrong. You also may be explicitly honest with the back up guy about his position in your life. Even so, you have to put yourself in his shoes and remember what it feels like to be the ‘back up girl.’

Consider this food for thought. If your life and other relationships are so solid, then why do you need the back up guy? If you are 100% honest with him – then why is he still sticking around? And, what issues do you have with someone being so into you that you would refuse to choose them as your partner in life? You may use the excuse that you don’t have the sexual chemistry with this person that you do with others. You may even say that he is a better friend than boyfriend. But consider for a moment, that what makes a long-term relationship copasetic is friendship. Also, be reminded that very few people who have been together for eons consider themselves wildly sexually attracted to their mate. After all, you can’t have a real world relationship or life if you think only about making love to your partner 24 hours a day.

If you have a life that requires a back up guy, you also may be missing out on some crucial self-esteem issues that involve the opposite sex. For many women, having a man in their life whether friend or romantically is a cornerstone of confidence. For many females, a certain age comes along and they feel if they are not grounded by male companionship they will be looked at as abnormal or a failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even though we live in a generation where marriage and children come later in life, we are still operating on old patterns of thought that make us feel less than perfect if we are without. There are millions of women in this world who set goals of marriage and motherhood on age. When I am 25, I want to be married and have my first kid. Sadly, this limits the time it may take to develop a true sense of what it is you really want. The back up guy indicates that you may be living in thoughts from the past.

The back up guy in your life may have come about by accident. However, understand that most successful relationships occur between best friends. If your back up guy is your best friend – you might be surprised how well things could work out between the two of you. So many people spend a lifetime searching for that perfect someone or something – only to realize decades too late that it was there all along. Take a minute to consider that life really could be easier than you think and that it is YOU who is making it difficult. If you keep the back up guy around – string him with ‘accidental’ kisses or intimacy and feel neglected when he isn’t there to rescue you – it may be that HE is the one who really needs rescuing. The bottom line is loving someone is loving someone! No matter who you find in your travels, that person will have flaws and as time goes on – it is the people who can be your friend first that make the best life partners. Who knows, the back up guy may be just what you always needed and wanted.

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